Build the Relationship, Change the Behavior: Kind and Firm Parenting Styles

Hello And welcome to the Very Important Parents video series, where you can access information on parenting, relationships, and life skill development for families with young children

Kind and firm– that's the bottom line of parenting If you boil down all the research about good parenting and well adjusted kids, it shows that children need warm, loving, nurturing parents that also provide consistent, stable environments with rules, boundaries, and expectations Children and youth need kind and firm parents In this video, we will talk about different positive parenting approaches that will help your child grow by exploring three parenting styles– autocratic, democratic, and permissive The autocratic parent is strict, and believes in making rules and sticking to them

They may say things like, my way or the highway They probably expect obedience and respect, yet they typically don't allow for their child's input Autocratic parents, sometimes called authoritarian, might use physical punishment or yelling to get the child to obey their demands These parents might be firm, but could improve on the kind Democratic parents have demands too

But they tend to be more responsive to the child They establish rules and set boundaries, and they're open to feedback These parents expect respect, but also give respect So when their child fails or has problems, they are nurturing and forgiving, rather than punishing Democratic parents, also called authoritative parents, are most likely to exhibit kind and firm parenting behaviors

A permissive parenting is indulgent, and tends to place few demands on children These parents rarely discipline, have little expectation for their children, and may at times even seem uninvolved You've probably heard of parents that try to be their child's buddy or good friend rather than their parent, that's permissive parenting These parents are often kind, but lack the structure and support that children and youth need So as we can see, kids do best when parents are kind and confirm

The democratic parenting style tends to be the best for children, and what we hope you will work towards That's not always how we were raised, however If you were raised with a different style, it may be difficult at first But keep trying Remember, democratic parents typically have happy, well adjusted children

So it's worth the practice To get her to understand what she may be doing wrong in a way that's constructive, by teaching her kind of the right way to do it, instead of just telling her not to do what she's doing Talking with your child, like ignoring your child, not doing anything like spanking, or something that will hurt your child Here's plates What color plate would you like to have? Hey, you know what? Look at my face

You took those out– look at my face You took those out of my hand If you'd like them, just ask me for them I'll be happy to give them Can I please have them? Sure

There you go Good job Discipline in a way that allows him to learn, as opposed to being punitive It's hard, you know Because your first instinct is usually to say something like, no, or don't do that

But instead, at this age it's really important to praise the good things, and to let her know when she's doing something good, so that she'll do more of those good things, and to try to not say no, and to try to really encourage them in the things that they're doing right Well, let's put the dinosaurs away, please OK Let's clean up Mommy and Daddy will help

Put the dinosaurs in this one I don't know how Yeah, you do Come on Oh, yes you do

Rivers Help Daddy clean up We're going to make a cake Rivers, look at me Look at Mommy

Rivers, look at Mommy right now I need you to help me clean up We're gonna make a cake after this I need you to help me clean up because it's time to clean up OK? Thank you

Daddy's gonna help you Good job Good job, Rivers And one last thing Although you want to use a democratic parenting style, you will still have to come up with different ways of responding to your child, depending on the situation, and depending on your child

As you get to know your child, you will learn what works best Just make sure to treat them with respect And you'll find you'll get their respect in return Thank you so much for watching this NCSU VIP video We hope it has given you support as a very important parent

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